‘I get stuck in my own thoughts. The more I think, the more I start to doubt. And the more I doubt, the more I hesitate to take action. The more I hesitate, the more I procrastinate. And eventually, I do nothing’. This statement perfectly encapsulates the process I've observed with several coaching clients over the past few weeks. Various anxious thoughts lead to inaction, which then results in self-criticism ("lazy," "good-for-nothing," and worse...). This is a pattern I know all too well from many years ago.

 To make it concrete, let me share an example of one of my coachees. He was unsure about attending an informational evening on becoming a buddy for a refugee. As he talked about it, it became clear that he had a range of thoughts about the event, such as:

·        If the evening is just about receiving information, I’m not interested; there must be room for conversation and interaction.

·        I don’t like the space where the informational evening is being held; I’m unsure if I’ll feel comfortable there.

·        What if I don’t have a “click” with the refugee for whom I’ll be a buddy? How should I handle that?

·        I’m not sure if I know enough about Dutch society; what if I can’t answer questions?

·        …

In other words, as I would put it, his mind was running away with him. Various insecurities and potentially challenging future scenarios came to the surface. It seemed as if his awareness and thoughts were intimately connected, and he could no longer focus his attention on anything other than his thoughts. Perhaps this also happens to you—this circling in your mind, seeing more and more obstacles and finding no way out?

 When I brought him back to the moment he first heard about the informational evening, it turned out he had immediately known that he wanted to be there. He felt excited and enthusiastic, knowing he would find a lot of fulfillment in being a buddy. Only at a slightly later stage did his mind start raising all sorts of objections.

 You might recognize this mechanism in your own life. Whenever a new opportunity arises, whether in your personal life (for example, friends inviting you to go to the movies) or at work (your manager asks you to join a new project), you immediately know whether it feels right for you. You instinctively feel an “opening towards” or a “closing off from.”

 In my experience, this feeling happens in our gut; something in our belly opens up (and you feel enthusiasm and motivation), or something closes (and you turn away from it). The knowing happens in the intuitive center of our hearts. You know something without knowing how you came to know it, but you are sure. Only then does our mind form an opinion and start labeling it as “good” or “bad,” raising objections, or judging it in other ways.

 To live with inner peace, confidence, and joy, it’s important to do three things:

·        Involve all your forms of intelligence, meaning don’t just pay attention to what you think (head), but also to what you know (heart) and what you feel (belly).

·        Start with your heart and/or your belly.

·        Choose your inner leader based on the intelligence or combination of intelligences that suits the situation (note: this is rarely just your head!).

 I invite you to be mindful in the coming weeks when a new opportunity presents itself to check in with yourself:

·        In your heart: What do I know?

·        In your belly: What do I feel?

·        And only then, not before, and only if still necessary, bring your attention to your thoughts (head): What do I think about it?

And see what this approach brings you. It might just be that the endless circling in your mind happens less frequently or not at all.

I wish you much joy in your discoveries!