And then the coachee was completely stuck—utterly stuck.

Not long ago, during a partner coaching session in the Transformational Presence Leadership and Coaching Program, the coachee felt completely “stuck.” This is a familiar scenario for many coaches and facilitators. The question is: What do you do then?

Or perhaps there’s an even more critical question before that one.

In such a moment, a lot seems to happen all at once. As a coach, you might start thinking things like: “I’m doing something wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I should have prevented this. I need to come up with a solution, right now. What’s the right question to get her unstuck?” In other words, you go straight to your head. You judge that the situation shouldn’t exist, you might even judge yourself, and you hope to find a solution in your mind. Your heart rate rises, your focus narrows. In short, stress kicks in.

Transformational Presence offers a different approach for coaches and facilitators. You stay fully present with what is—in this case, the “stuckness”—and you see it, just like everything else that surfaces in a coaching session, simply as information. It’s all allowed to be there.

You remain calm and lovingly present with what is. And you stay curious about what this “stuckness” has to tell the coachee. Trusting that your coachee is perfectly capable of receiving the information available to her, and knowing that everything is energy in motion, you begin to explore what wants to happen in this “stuck” situation.

So, “What do you do then?” is not the first question. The first question is: Who am I being asked to become as a coach or facilitator in this moment? In other words, what stance or role am I invited to take, or which qualities within myself am I being asked to bring forward?

Ultimately, it all comes down to where you place your attention. Do you notice what is and stay curious and forward-looking? Or do you focus on what seems to be missing, or on what you expected (or thought should) be there?

In a broader sense, Transformational Presence invites you to live from an open, exploratory attitude rather than expecting something to be or to happen. Expectation often leads to comparison and judgment—and if what you hope isn’t there, to disappointment.

Exploration, on the other hand, leads to wonder and learning. Accepting what is becomes much easier—or perhaps better said, the door to acceptance swings wide open when you approach life from that first attitude.

Over the coming weeks, pay attention to where you direct your focus. If you notice yourself feeling disappointed or angry about a situation, or if you find yourself slipping into “quick-fix mode” out of habit, take a step back. Zoom out completely and ask yourself these questions:

·         What is drawing my attention here?

·         What am I being asked to learn from this?

·         What is one first step I can take?

Then commit to bringing this open, exploratory attitude to everything you do. The effect might surprise you!

Wishing you joyful discoveries!