‘Why did this happen?’ ‘I should have seen this coming!’ ‘How did this all come about?’

Lately, I have been noticing more and more, in newspapers, on TV, but also with the coachees I guide, that when something unexpected or ‘not intended’ happens, the attention immediately goes to the past. The focus shifts to the causes, the reasons, the origins, or whatever led to the current situation, or perhaps more often, who is to blame.

A thorough investigation into the causes or reflection on one's actions or those of another is, of course, not wrong in itself and is often desirable. However, there is also a major disadvantage to this automatic reaction. It can take away your sight of something much more interesting and point you to a constructive way forward: the hidden potential.

Sandra*, one of my coachees, received a rejection for a job application. Her first thought was immediately: ‘What did I do wrong?’ Her thinking focused entirely on what might have gone wrong, how she could have prepared better, and how she could have possibly prevented the rejection. Her thoughts were spinning in circles, and she felt a bit down.

By letting other questions lead, she came back into a positive, forward-directed flow:

·       ‘What is this situation trying to tell me?’,

·       ‘What is unfolding here?’,

·       ‘What opportunity for growth is presenting itself here?’

It soon became clear to her that it was time to apply for a position at her actual level; she had kept herself ‘small’ long enough. The invitation for her is to show herself for what she is worth. Although also exciting, this gives her a lot of energy to continue applying.

Perhaps you recognize the tendency in yourself to immediately focus your attention on what preceded? To look for causes, explanations, a defense, or perhaps justification of your own behavior?

Play with the direction of your attention this week. Make it quiet within yourself, listen deeper in the moment, perceive more broadly, and be curious about the hidden potential, the underlying message that wants to be known. You don't have to figure out anything; just be open to the information. And let yourself possibly be surprised by what becomes clear to you.

I wish you a lot of fun!