• How can I learn to trust myself more? 
• How can I learn to do my work well without placing such high demands on myself (which causes a lot of stress)? 
• How do I get more in touch with myself? What is the path to my own inner strength? How can I ensure that what I want and what suits me become the starting point of my actions, rather than my attention being focused on the well-being of others? 
• How can I take a strong position from a place of authenticity? 

 One of the attractive aspects of being a coach is the diversity of questions that come my way. Originally, the coaching profession emerged to help people, simply put, move from A to B — to guide them toward a clearly defined goal, a specific result. Often in a contentdriven domain where, as a coach, you have a lot of experience yourself. 

By now, it goes far beyond that — as the above questions clearly show. More is required. It is about helping someone look at themselves from a different perspective, about breaking patterns at a deeper level, beyond content. It is about guiding coachees in taking personal leadership in their lives and work. And that requires something different than creating a roadmap from A to B based on prior experience. 
What the coachee truly needs is a transformation — a sustainable, insideout change, an inner shift. 
 

But… how do you do that? 

It starts with a shift in attention. The focus is no longer on the problem and possible solutions. Instead, you look for the message hidden within the “problem.” This requires stepping back and almost always slowing down and quieting yourself. From there, from a broader, more overarching perspective, you look at yourself and your potential and begin to see what is really happening at the core. From that deep inner shift, you consciously choose a different attitude, a different role. You show yourself in a way that differs from your usual patterns and start to experience the effect this has — on you and on others. 

To make this practical, bring to mind a situation you are currently struggling with — one in which you do not want to fall back into your old, less effective behavior. Then, calmly and at your own pace, answer the following questions: 

 1. When you look at your situation from a distance, what invitation do you recognize for yourself? What draws your attention? What is the situation actually trying to show you? Perhaps this invitation isn’t new… 
Example: A dominant colleague tells you what, in his view, you should do. You feel deep irritation, remain silent, and passively resist. The invitation is to stand up for yourself in a mature way.   

2. What are you being invited to in terms of your attitude, the way you position yourself in the situation? In other words, who are you being asked to be, in complete honesty with yourself? 
Example: You are invited to take up more space, show more of yourself, and stand up for yourself. 

3. And who do you choose to be? What conscious choice do you make in terms of the qualities or role you bring to the forefront? How do you want to show yourself? How do you want to be present in the situation? 
Example:  You choose to call on your inner calm and to use your verbal skills more actively. To be clear. 

4. And what is the first step that goes with that? 
Example: You initiate a conversation with your colleague. You tell him that you are happy to help, but that you will not accept his tone and attitude. That you want to work together on the basis of equality. 

5. And what does it take to apply this consistently? What commitment are you willing to make to yourself? 
Example: To stay alert in the moment. The commitment is to prepare conversations in advance, to better assess whom you are speaking with, and to make a conscious choice about who you want to be in that interaction. 

Try applying these questions over the coming week and take the next step that follows. Give yourself the space to experiment with your thoughts and actions — and allow yourself to be surprised by what it brings you. 

 I wish you lots of success — and enjoyment — along the way!